Just the Facts

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I'm a Chronologically-challenged Optimistic Procrastinator with some extra chunk, indescribable hair and blue-greener eyes re-entering into the interesting worlds of College and Caffeine and Self-induced mania. I day dream about Zombies cause sometimes an Apocalypse is less scary than Real Life. I'm a hustler baby and I'm making it all up and I alternately kiss ass and rub it to make my living. BUT Life is still good cause my mom thinks I'm special and people like me; they really like me!

Sunday, October 2, 2011

In the Upcoming Apocalypse, we'll need Child Slaves..

So. In preparation, I kidnapped my friend, Jenna's child, Augmo and inducted her into slavery. I think I did it wrong.

The proposition: 
Me: Hey Augmo? Care to come over to my house and slave for me?

Her: How's that work, exactly?

Me: We will rearrange and alphabetize my bookshelves and instead of paying you a wage, I will give you a meal and a movie. Fair? (Little did she know that I have six bookshelves! Bwahaha!)

Her: Sure. I like organizing books. (Or something like that, anyway. I can't be expected to remember everything.)

This sounds flawless right? So, maybe it wasn't slavery per se, since I was offering compensation.

The actual execution: Not as flawless.

I acquired the child on Saturday night. We watched Monsters Inc. then went to sleep. Apparently at some point, I opened my eyes and chirped, "Hello boggle!" and went back to sleep. I do that sort of thing, but can't shouldn't be held responsible.

She woke sometime around dawn thirty and bumbled around, kinda waking me up but being as quiet as a young girl can. I woke at 8:30 and took a shower to start the resurrection process. Then I carted her down the street to BC/DC, a local eatery that serves Bacon Waffles and other haute cuisine. After breaking our fast, we returned to the house with a small stop for shopping shenanigans.

Once re-ensconced within my residence, I printed out my list of hardback books. I have about....5 lists categorizing the different sorts of books that I have: hardback, paperback, art book, comic and occult. Thereupon, I proceeded to take them all off the shelves - by myself- and alphabetize them - by myself

Periodically, I would ask her to move books away or bring them back, but for the most part, this was a solo expedition. We put on Howl's Moving Castle and she was entranced. At one point she did dust some of my shelves.

A break was called, as my friend Adriana, was going to meet me at my office to deliver my new swanky sign. She kept postponing, so I started the dishes and Augmo vacuumed. (This turned out to be the culmination of her efforts! And I really appreciated it, as I HATE the vacuum.)

FINALLY Adriana, did confirm that she would be showing up soon. So we vacated my apartment to go meet her. Some yard sale shenanigans interrupted our journey, but eventually we made it there and returned home.

The hardback books shelved and alphabetized, I turned towards the paperbacks and did these completely by myself. Augmo supervised me while she watched Kiki's Delivery Service.

Suddenly, it was time for the movie, Dolphin Tale. Yeah. No. For what it was, a kid's animal love movie, it was okay. For any movie that I'd care to watch, it was a long 112 minutes. Right after, Jenna and her hubby, Joe retrieved the kidlet and she wandered away with some gems, a stuffed animal, and about 6 new books.

All is now quiet on my Western front, once again.

Yep. I re-read this entry. I did it wrong. Stephen, my previous slave was much more slave-y. I'll have to work on my Child Slavery efforts in the future and put my best foot forward.

No more for now.


  1. Well, now you know what you need to improve on for the next experience. Bert is really looking forward to it.

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