Just the Facts

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I'm a Chronologically-challenged Optimistic Procrastinator with some extra chunk, indescribable hair and blue-greener eyes re-entering into the interesting worlds of College and Caffeine and Self-induced mania. I day dream about Zombies cause sometimes an Apocalypse is less scary than Real Life. I'm a hustler baby and I'm making it all up and I alternately kiss ass and rub it to make my living. BUT Life is still good cause my mom thinks I'm special and people like me; they really like me!

Monday, May 9, 2011

Putting my ass where my mouth is

I'm trying to put my ass where my mouth is. I know, this sounds somewhat off-putting and unhygienic. Usually, people put their "money" where their mouth is to indicate dedication to a certain course of action, but my goal can't be brokered by a piece of cotton and linen. So in the interest of Truth, Justice and all that jazz, I'm investing in a smaller derriere. You see I've kvetched and kvetched about how large (and in charge?) I am. I've made goals, and of course, neglected them. Even the title of this blog involves exercising your way to a better life, hopefully free of zombie bites. This should indicate that exercise and health are important to me and I should be hip deep in flabbergasting fitness. Not so much.

My obstacles: lack of consistent motivation, eating on the run, eating with friends, late night eating and a complete distaste for exerting myself. This means I am a chunkster. And this undoubtedly means that should the ravening hordes rise right now, they'd easily take a chunk out of me.

My solutions? I have obtained a personal trainer to motivate me to do certain exercises, and in fact, push the envelope of my physical fitness. (BTW: Why is it always pushing the envelope? Why can't we push the letter? Or even a package? I like packages; they always have neat stuff especially on the opposite sex, but I digress.) I design nutrient balanced, calorie specific food plans to meet my nutritional and weight loss needs. I pre-package healthy foods so I can grab them on the go. I bring my own food to friend's houses or I try to choose the healthiest option on the menu when eating out and then box up 1/2 to 2/3rds of it at the beginning of the meal. So, I should be a swami of shapely strength, right? Again, not so much.

My biggest obstacle after overcoming the previous obstacles? I think like a fat person. I see myself getting healthy and sabotage it with the "I need a candy bar and some ice cream" thoughts. Solution? A shrink? Who knows? It might really take the apocalypse to get me to exercise regularly and eat healthy. Only time will tell.

But I did get my keister into the gym today. I did push the envelope package (!) and I have the slightly achy muscles to prove it. I did bring pre-portioned healthy food choices and I even ATE them. So far so good. I should go to bed right now to preserve this good day. This is unlikely. I still have to play Gardens of Time on Facebook. This is eating my brains, so at least the zeds will be shit out of luck and cheerfully fucked by the time they get here! SCREW YOU ZOMBIE SCUM. That is all.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Time: It passes.

Finally, I have a mini moment to breathe. So I feel motivated to blog after two-ish months. Work, school, volunteering and decompressing (this is the most important one) have combined to turn me into a spastic drooling monster. But I haven't started eating other people's brains yet, so..that's good.

I remember the beginning of the year, full of hope and good intentions where I decided I'd blog everyday about how zombie apocalypses could help you to be a better person. Yeah. That happened. I made so many goals for 2011. Daily goals, monthly goals, annual goals and so on. I haven't accomplished even one consistently. I still have time, but it boggles my mind how quickly the year is progressing. Much like a rotting horde of undead, you just never realize how quickly things are approaching and then...too late. The ability to avoid this unexpected encroachment is what all those life coaching experts are talking about...planning, being "proactive", taking action!

If you make a plan covering a step by step process to achieve something and then follow through with it, you will not be caught unawares by last minute obstacles. You'll have given yourself enough time for cluster fucks and delays because you're ahead of the game or the cadaverous crowd.

I guess, in a way, this is an ongoing life lesson for me. Because I keep making the same stupid mistake but recreating it in 32 new and exciting flavors. I guess I need refresher courses in following through with my plans and keeping my word...to myself. It's horrible when you continuously disappoint yourself with your own lies.

But it's not as though my life has become a horrible sham like the purported existance of "customer service" from civil servants. I am accomplishing things, just not as many as I thought I would. Most of my goals are habits I'd like to acquire, especially regarding self-care. You would not believe how hard it is for me to floss everyday. Saving my tips - might as well ask me to chop off my own arm. Selling MK is the worst because after all the money I've spent into it you'd think I'd be so motivated. It's really not even very hard to sell. Apparently, I'd rather pay someone to laser off my face (this is actually happening) than to make extra money and validate this financial choice that I'm still paying John back for.

Enough beratement. Things I AM actually accomplishing: A's in all four of my classes, booked nearly two weeks solid and into June for my business, face lasering (wanted this for 6 years), all bills paid so far, nearly paid John off, made first payment to my dad, got a personal trainer (sorta even doing what he's telling me to do), winning the Pulitzer Prize (this is a lie, shh, don't tell.)and so much more.

Fun Fact: Ben & Jerry's just came out with "Late Night Snack" ice cream. I don't know what to make of it. Vanilla bean ice cream with a salty caramel swirl & fudge covered potato chip clusters. Hm. Maybe I should try eating the brains of my fellow man, it's gotta be better for me. No sugar, protein source...hm. That is all.