Just the Facts

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I'm a Chronologically-challenged Optimistic Procrastinator with some extra chunk, indescribable hair and blue-greener eyes re-entering into the interesting worlds of College and Caffeine and Self-induced mania. I day dream about Zombies cause sometimes an Apocalypse is less scary than Real Life. I'm a hustler baby and I'm making it all up and I alternately kiss ass and rub it to make my living. BUT Life is still good cause my mom thinks I'm special and people like me; they really like me!

Sunday, December 26, 2010

You either have the things you want or you have the excuses you made.

Sometimes I think I'd rather do anything except succeed.

I've lost and regained over 2 maybe 3 hundred pounds. I've been financially stable, though not long. I've finished my Massage Certification as a Holistic Health Practitioner, but it took 13 years. I might even finish my Associates Degree in Health Sciences though it's taken 15 years and I've changed majors three times. At this very moment, I'm supposed to be baking and picking up some last minute presents for a party this afternoon. I still have a lot of time BUT...I'm playing on Facebook and typing this blog and starting to read a Manga - simultaneously.

I am beginning to realize that, even in small things, I'm afraid to succeed. I let my time be soaked away by little things. Facebook lately, but it could be movies or reading or even taking a walk if I can't figure anything out to do. Sometimes I'm scared to even wake up and let sleep steal away the day. I anesthetize myself to be so out of it that I can be excused from accomplishing anything. Excuses. That's what you have. You either have the things you want or you have the excuses you made; not a very satisfying trade.

This is a really bad tactic if an Apocalypse were approaching. I definitely wouldn't be ready. Which is funny since "Not Being Ready" is a really big fear of mine, like a "Having Nightmares About It" sort of Fear. But it looks like even the motivation to prevent future catastrophe is not enough sometimes to light a fire under my ass.

"The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins." ~Bob Moawad

Meh. I guess that I better decide to go start my journey, but I'll come back to this later. Provided the zombies don't come at which point - the fudge is moot. That's all I have to say.

Monday, December 13, 2010

The All Encompassing Loneliness and Hope Striking Eternal

So, I have no man. I have no Wo-man, either. I am alone. Woe is me and such. Every once in a while, I really get tired of it. Hope wanders over and slaps me upside the head and I start doing crazy things due to the spiritual concussion.

To wit: I willfully chose to post yet another ad on Craigslist in the hopes that someone who I wouldn't mind meeting in a dark alley might respond, instead of the more usual responses that I would mind meeting in said shadowy alley.

I have also agreed to go on a blind date with the son-in-law of one of my crazy clients. It was supposed to be brisket and potato latkes on Hanukkah, but that fell through. So now, I await his call. Be still my heart, no wait, don't.

I am also making a concentrated effort to not leave the house looking like a slovenly potato. This is harder than it might sound. Doing hair, shelacking make up and being on time don't always connect the way they are supposed to.

What am I looking for, at least, according to my ad? A man who: bathes, has all his teeth, has a job, doesn't expect sex on our first meeting and who is a relatively intelligent mammal. It would also be nice if he were: funny, generous, respectful, a good conversationalist and into me. Notice! I did not specify the amount of money he has to make, height, weight, race or creed. Though, if I were truthful, I do like the muscles! OH YEAH! And he has to be a good lay and into sex...with me! This is important.

Well, hopes strikes eternal. I am putting this out to the universe. That's all for now.

So this here's my first post

It's Monday. I hear the swat team level gardeners outside with their leaf blowers making it safe for my neighbors to walk by without being molested by *gasp* leaves or dust. The garbage truck has made its first run of the week to noisily extract the contents of the dumpster and once again I'm so grateful that said dumpster resides just below my bedroom window in the alley. And the neat thing? The garbage truck gang will be back a couple more times this week too. Yippee, I'd miss them if they weren't such frequent visitors.

I'm sitting here typing this in a fluffy white bathrobe, pink monkey slippers, magenta scrub pants and a Brain Power: Vote Zombie t-shirt. Yep. I'm a fashion plate. We won't discuss the current state of my hair. My eyes seem blue-greener lately. I don't know what that's all about, but I'll accept it. Skin's doing pretty good lately too from a long awaited Spa Day with my B.C.F., Jenna. (Best Crazy Friend). Due to rising levels of unanticipated anxiety about the general progression of my Life and the Unknown, I have been eating like a Ravaging Beast so I'm kinda chunkier than I'd care to be, but this state of chunk is not unknown to me.

I just finished a breakfast of cereal and Hershey's kisses (like I said, Ravaging  Beast) and I'm washing it down with a Sugarfree Redbull the size of my forearm. Literally. Forearm sized. Redbull. I plan to be a whirling dervish of energy later and accomplish all the things I've been procrastinating about doing for weeks now and the ones I forgot that I was procrastinating about from months ago. Artificially induced mania is a great motivator. And it has a lot to fight against, specifically Pet Society and Sorority Life on Facebook. Damn you FACEBOOOOOOK! I didn't even want to go on there and now I'm addicted. *Le sigh*

Today's ambitions include: sweeping and mopping, vacuuming, the gym, experimenting with fudge and bacon brittle, making gifts for my Solstice Party on the 18th, calling MK clients, visiting the post office and so much more. I always overestimate what I can do in any given time period. Call me a Chronologically-challenged Optimistic!

My roommate, Randy, actually emerged to inquire into my Agenda for Today. (By the way, I totally know how to punctuate and capitalize, but I'll do what I want to Anyway.) The other roommate, Rob, is hiding as usual; he is so quiet and dwells so exclusively in his room that most of the other tenants don't even know he lives here.  As for Randy, his agenda usually includes forcing me to watch some t.v. show online; it's how we socialize. Guys like to share an activity as their primary means of socialization, or so I've been told. This would certainly be true in our case. Now, I don't mind watching Glee cause it's a pretty amusing little show, but I don't like it interfering in my over-arcing master plan, especially since I can be such a procrastinator. So. We'll see. Later.

Last night I set my alarm to 8:30am. I laid in bed for 30 minutes hitting snooze and hiding from the world. Why? Well, it's the whole rising levels of anxiety from the unknown and because I had plans to register for college today and to complete work from my second job that my bosses were supposed to send late last night. The bosses ended up turning the aforementioned work in on their own - fine with me. The whole college thing went off fairly well, except, I'm on a wait list for all three of the classes that I need to finish my degree. Usually this isn't an issue as most people drop out, but I'm still nervous.

I do take certain measures to combat the anxiety. The first is to make a battle plan; this breaks the overwhelming unknown down into little steps that are much more whelming known (?), or user friendly or something. I also listen to hypnosis on Confidence and Stress Relief. And lastly, I count the things that I'm grateful for because you are supposed to be unable to feel Fear and Gratitude at the same time. Hey, whatever works. And you know, it usually does.

What I'm grateful for:
  • Registered for College
  • Live five blocks from beach in nice apartment
  • Friends
  • Family
  • Bills paid, for now
  • Red Bull
  • I'm smart and funny
So, a recap. I'm a Chronologically-challenged Optimistic Procrastinator with some extra chunk, indescribable hair and blue-greener eyes re-entering into the interesting worlds of College and Caffeine and Self-induced mania today. Yeah. We'll leave it at that.