Just the Facts

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I'm a Chronologically-challenged Optimistic Procrastinator with some extra chunk, indescribable hair and blue-greener eyes re-entering into the interesting worlds of College and Caffeine and Self-induced mania. I day dream about Zombies cause sometimes an Apocalypse is less scary than Real Life. I'm a hustler baby and I'm making it all up and I alternately kiss ass and rub it to make my living. BUT Life is still good cause my mom thinks I'm special and people like me; they really like me!

Sunday, October 30, 2011

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My Mind and 6,000 KSPH - women4inanimate objects

Date: 2011-10-30, 1:21PM PDT
Reply to: My Ass!

Where the fuck did you guys go? We were just together a couple of hours ago and then you both ran off and abandoned me! Nice.

  •  it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 123456789

Seriously, people. Losing my cheese right now. Taking a 10-key class and on the previous assignment I got 14,680 KSPH (keystrokes per hour) with 100.0% accuracy and now I can barely get past 8000 KSPH with mistakes. What the Duck is going on? 

This assigment should take about 30 seconds and I should do 3 trials of it. That's one minute and thirty seconds and we should be able to put this baby to bed. It's been about an hour. Thus you see the source of my cheese-less state. The cheese has been lost along with my mind and 6,000 KSPH. That's a lot of losing and it makes me feel like a loser. I hate that.

It's such a small thing too. This is only one of the four classes I'm taking right now, and to be truthful, the least important. I don't know why it's bothering me so fucking much. BUT IT IS! 

The Resolution? I'm gonna try to do this on a different computer. Maybe it's not me, maybe it's technical issues. (It's probably me.) I'm taking a break and my sister is bringing me a smoothie. Maybe that'll help. 


UPDATE: It was I. Well, it was! Basically - I finished typing the numbers and then stopped when I just should have started typing from the beginning of the excercise until time ran out. Oh well. My apologies as follows:

I'm sorry keyboard for breaking you. I'm sorry desk for smashing you. I'm sorry me for saying such nasty things to you. I just missed an unstated step. At least, I think it's unstated. I need a hug.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Walking my Talk before the End Cometh...

I realized tonight that it was October 2011. That's like...fourteen months before the End of the World, or so they say. And I know what you're thinking, why am I listening to them again, when did they ever get it right? Better safe than sorry on this one, people.

So, back to my point. I do have one, swear! I've had all these goals for a while now. And if the world is gonna end, I'll need to pick up the pace if I'm gonna make it in time. Because like...for example, can't see the world if it ends, ya know? Learning how to shoot a gun prior to the Apocalypse (and owning at least one) might be a good idea. Not gonna have time to finish one of my books running and hiding from our future Evil Overlords in the sewer when the government hits full-on Big Brother Evolution and comes to enslave us all. Or whatever.

This is called being "proactive", boys and girls. Say it with me - Pro-Act-Ive. Just because you have no conceivable way of predicting the future, doesn't mean you shouldn't be ready. You've gotta use your imagination to imagine the worst and then prep for it! Zombies (of course, my favorite!), Nuclear Wolves (this was new and I had never heard of them before), Imminent Economic Collapse, A rampant world wide plague or a comet crashing into the planet. Get On It People!

I know that it hasn't been my best quality in the past, but I am getting better. I grok this to be true BECAUSE I went through my goals and realized I had accomplished some of them, the harder ones too. I also accomplished some I didn't even know I'd made for myself.

A not so comprehensive list in no particular order:

  • Started my own business this year. 
  • Allowed myself to be Happy and Positive most of the time despite a possible law suit with my former Alpha Steroid Boss. 
  • Organized my books. 
  • Framed all my artwork and THEN hung it all up. Who knew this could ever be achieved?
  • Made new friends 
  • Stepped it up with my future financial security via an I.R.A and Life insurance, like a Bad Ass Mother Fu'ing Adult.
However, as monumental as these accomplishments are, they aren't necessarily gonna rescue me from a predatory alien race, so perhaps it's time for me to make a newer, more survive-y, practical list.
  • Start my own bomb shelter
  • Allow myself to be Hyper-vigilant and ruthless. 
  • Organize my gun collection. 
  • Frame all my neighbors and THEN hang them all up. Who knew this could ever be achieved? Especially with the crazy lady and her demon spawn next door. Grumble, grumble, grumble.
  • Stockpile food. YUM. I love me some dinner in a can.
  • Make friends with bikers. (Never know when you need a quick getaway with some friendly acquaintances who don't give a hoot about little things like...the Law.) <--This is me whispering. Don't tell the authorities, 'kay?
  • Step it up on the physical fitness. You can't outrun those 28 Days zombies if you are carrying a spare set of tires. You can't outrun a riot at all, but I guess I shouldn't be so defeatist.
  • Enjoy myself now, cause after the world ends, no one will ever enjoy themselves again, except psychopaths...
  • WAIT. Become psychopath.
Ah clarity. Thanks you guys. You acted like a sounding board to my insanity. 

Nuff said.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

In the Upcoming Apocalypse, we'll need Child Slaves..

So. In preparation, I kidnapped my friend, Jenna's child, Augmo and inducted her into slavery. I think I did it wrong.

The proposition: 
Me: Hey Augmo? Care to come over to my house and slave for me?

Her: How's that work, exactly?

Me: We will rearrange and alphabetize my bookshelves and instead of paying you a wage, I will give you a meal and a movie. Fair? (Little did she know that I have six bookshelves! Bwahaha!)

Her: Sure. I like organizing books. (Or something like that, anyway. I can't be expected to remember everything.)

This sounds flawless right? So, maybe it wasn't slavery per se, since I was offering compensation.

The actual execution: Not as flawless.

I acquired the child on Saturday night. We watched Monsters Inc. then went to sleep. Apparently at some point, I opened my eyes and chirped, "Hello boggle!" and went back to sleep. I do that sort of thing, but can't shouldn't be held responsible.

She woke sometime around dawn thirty and bumbled around, kinda waking me up but being as quiet as a young girl can. I woke at 8:30 and took a shower to start the resurrection process. Then I carted her down the street to BC/DC, a local eatery that serves Bacon Waffles and other haute cuisine. After breaking our fast, we returned to the house with a small stop for shopping shenanigans.

Once re-ensconced within my residence, I printed out my list of hardback books. I have about....5 lists categorizing the different sorts of books that I have: hardback, paperback, art book, comic and occult. Thereupon, I proceeded to take them all off the shelves - by myself- and alphabetize them - by myself

Periodically, I would ask her to move books away or bring them back, but for the most part, this was a solo expedition. We put on Howl's Moving Castle and she was entranced. At one point she did dust some of my shelves.

A break was called, as my friend Adriana, was going to meet me at my office to deliver my new swanky sign. She kept postponing, so I started the dishes and Augmo vacuumed. (This turned out to be the culmination of her efforts! And I really appreciated it, as I HATE the vacuum.)

FINALLY Adriana, did confirm that she would be showing up soon. So we vacated my apartment to go meet her. Some yard sale shenanigans interrupted our journey, but eventually we made it there and returned home.

The hardback books shelved and alphabetized, I turned towards the paperbacks and did these completely by myself. Augmo supervised me while she watched Kiki's Delivery Service.

Suddenly, it was time for the movie, Dolphin Tale. Yeah. No. For what it was, a kid's animal love movie, it was okay. For any movie that I'd care to watch, it was a long 112 minutes. Right after, Jenna and her hubby, Joe retrieved the kidlet and she wandered away with some gems, a stuffed animal, and about 6 new books.

All is now quiet on my Western front, once again.

Yep. I re-read this entry. I did it wrong. Stephen, my previous slave was much more slave-y. I'll have to work on my Child Slavery efforts in the future and put my best foot forward.

No more for now.