Putting my ass where my mouth is

I'm trying to put my ass where my mouth is. I know, this sounds somewhat off-putting and unhygienic. Usually, people put their "money" where their mouth is to indicate dedication to a certain course of action, but my goal can't be brokered by a piece of cotton and linen. So in the interest of Truth, Justice and all that jazz, I'm investing in a smaller derriere. You see I've kvetched and kvetched about how large (and in charge?) I am. I've made goals, and of course, neglected them. Even the title of this blog involves exercising your way to a better life, hopefully free of zombie bites. This should indicate that exercise and health are important to me and I should be hip deep in flabbergasting fitness. Not so much.

My obstacles: lack of consistent motivation, eating on the run, eating with friends, late night eating and a complete distaste for exerting myself. This means I am a chunkster. And this undoubtedly means that should the ravening hordes rise right now, they'd easily take a chunk out of me.

My solutions? I have obtained a personal trainer to motivate me to do certain exercises, and in fact, push the envelope of my physical fitness. (BTW: Why is it always pushing the envelope? Why can't we push the letter? Or even a package? I like packages; they always have neat stuff especially on the opposite sex, but I digress.) I design nutrient balanced, calorie specific food plans to meet my nutritional and weight loss needs. I pre-package healthy foods so I can grab them on the go. I bring my own food to friend's houses or I try to choose the healthiest option on the menu when eating out and then box up 1/2 to 2/3rds of it at the beginning of the meal. So, I should be a swami of shapely strength, right? Again, not so much.

My biggest obstacle after overcoming the previous obstacles? I think like a fat person. I see myself getting healthy and sabotage it with the "I need a candy bar and some ice cream" thoughts. Solution? A shrink? Who knows? It might really take the apocalypse to get me to exercise regularly and eat healthy. Only time will tell.

But I did get my keister into the gym today. I did push the envelope package (!) and I have the slightly achy muscles to prove it. I did bring pre-portioned healthy food choices and I even ATE them. So far so good. I should go to bed right now to preserve this good day. This is unlikely. I still have to play Gardens of Time on Facebook. This is eating my brains, so at least the zeds will be shit out of luck and cheerfully fucked by the time they get here! SCREW YOU ZOMBIE SCUM. That is all.