It's raining.

I didn't bring an umbrella to work today. I think you can see where this is going. One tends to get wet when one has no umbrella and the sky unzips and dumps liquid devastation upon your cranium. FYI. Just so you know.

In my defense, because I certainly need one, it was sunny and blue when I left for work this morning. It only got rainy just before I left work. Cause that's life.

The rain makes me long for a man. I just spent 30 minutes checking out Craigslist. Every ad on Craigslist makes me feel fat. Now I am tired. This entry isn't interesting, but I thought I'd type something.

It's kinda like I'm making word vomit at you. Directless and off-putting. So. I'll stop.

The end.

I don' wanna and you can't make me

I'm supposed to be getting ready for work. Thank god there are no forks around cause, right now, I'd rather stick one of those in my eyes than do that. Ah Well. I'm forkless. Guess the only other option is to be a responsible adult. BAH!

That's all for now.

Why don't they ever give you the option of a wheel barrow?

So, today was a bit of chunky day. Woke up and despite all my efforts I ran late and missed the Sprinter (the local train inland) on the way to today's Mary Kay obligation making both myself and Adriana, my ride who I was meeting in the middle, late. We went to a Mary Kay "Foundation Bootcamp" to have the shades of our foundation redetermined for the new Liquid Foundation that MK just released. It was jury by consensus and apparently the consensus is that I am FUCKING WHITE! I'm an Ivory 3 (translate FUCKING WHITE!). There's only 2 other Ivories below me. Winter what have you done?! I used to be a delightful beige color, now I'm auditioning for the role of Casper the Friendly Ghost.

Then it was off to John's house to play Dresden Files for 6 hours; Chuck, John, Bridget and myself with Richard as our GM. Last session was painful as Chuck and Bridget don't get along and got in a nasty fight. This session was much less "crunchy" as Bridget put it. Unfortunately, I will admit that lack of real food and ingestion of chocolate covered heart sugar cookies from the Foundation Bootcamp put me in a combative mood and I accused Richard of being "draconian". I owe him an apology later.

Afterwards, we went to Benihana's. Chuck transformed into a bit of a whiny bitch about it since he feels that Benihana is on par with some sacred celebratory event and didn't want it sullied with our mere after game presence. And he protested weakly, though not enough to dissuade John's bulldozer-y-ness and was kinda resentful until he finally got over himself. I chose to have sushi and for once in my life that actually worked out to be the "cheap date" option. The food was delicious and John was gentlemen enough to let me taste a bit of everything he got! Num Nums! The show from our server, Keoni, was amusing and I had a good time. I did not have $30 of good time (which is what it cost everyone else) and doubt that I will ever suggest going back there, but I didn't have to pay all that so...yay! I owe John about $14 for the sushi. All in all though, I am so full. Why don't they ever give you the option of a wheel barrow? I'm kinda sleepy now. Juva Juva. That's all for now.

I am a Whirl of Wind

So, I have started school. Boy, nothing like going to school to make you realize just how much you don't know that you thought you did. Color me humbled. What color would humble be anyway, maybe a sort of pale yellow or something? Returning to the subject, I am taking three online classes and one in school class. I thought the online classes would be a piece of cake because I was sure I knew everything there was to know re: administrative busywork. I also thought that though I don't know everything about nutrition, I'd still have a handle on it and the class would be easy peasy. I was actually disappointed that I didn't get into the super hard classes of Biology 210: Human Anatomy and Chemistry 100: Chemistry (or some shit, forgot the name). I had considered taking two more online classes cause I wanted to be challenged. WHAT AN IDIOT I AM! By the way, I'm now convinced I don't know SHIT about office-y stuff and am highly surprised they let me near an office, you know, retroactively.

The work just piles up. Format this, type that memo, and use critical thinking. Critical thinking? What place does that have in any office? Really!? You don't say? The workplace is changing and on top of mindless work they also want you to do thinking work too? Crazy. And reading, so much reading to do. But secretly, or maybe not so secretly, since I'm telling you guys, I'm loving the work and the learning stuff. I've learned more crap since Jan. 24th, than I have in over a year probably.

Meanwhile, I am jumping through hoops trying to figure out this whole marketing thing for work to get people to allow me to rub their butts. And pay me. I don't rub a butt for free unless I like you - A LOT! I've made a website and a Facebook page. I've placed Facebook ads, well one anyway. I've dropped posters off at the college. I'm making a spiffy poster through VistaPrint and considering a couple of banners. Drew up some fancy smancy brochures. I am thinking every day about marketing and I don't really know what I'm doing, but I kinda like it. Like I might want to do it for a living as a side job sort of liking it.

I've also revamped the massage room today. I like typing fragments, deal with it! My room is really teeny tiny; I refer to it as my Massage Closet for a reason. Fitting a whole warm stone station in it without overwhelming the room or burning myself is a tall order. *Play Mission Impossible Theme Song now.* Mission Fulfilled. I partially disassembled one shelf and jury-rigged it into the W.S. station, while purchasing and then assembling another one in the hour just before the client was due to arrive and receive her W.S. massage. And now I have a tri-level, stable, space efficient and pretty W.S. station with a space for a drink station below! And I can do a totally functioning Warm Stone Massage. It's neat!

Lastly, the man (who wasn't my ex-husband) that I mentioned on Jan. 16th, in the dream about my ex-husband, sent me a Facebook request. Random that he'd get in contact after so long. I asked why. His reply? That it had been a hard year with lots of passings and that we used to be friends and he remembered that friendships are important. No shit. Really.

I am kinda underwhelmed by his logic since it's taken about...5 years for him to come to this conclusion. This particular guy got mad at me for hinting via Livejournal that his girlfriend and I should get to know each other better before he, his girlfriend and I got to know each other A LOT better. He hadn't mentioned that this news was to be on the D.L. Additionally, I didn't leave an entry titled "So before I lick her pussy...". People who read his journal asked questions because I had, in fact, left it ambiguous. He was embarrassed because she was mad and embarrassed. He stopped talking to me and told me that it would last until he wasn't mad anymore. I un-friended him on Myspace and Facebook after waiting about a year. I know. It takes a long time for me to learn a lesson.

My reasoning: I didn't really do anything wrong and I don't want to be friends with someone much less commit sexual acts with them if they would be embarrassed by it becoming public knowledge that they were with me. I am not embarrassed by the actions I take and if I would be, I generally reconsider taking them. Oh yeah. This is what I said. I'm the last comment by delikatcreature

I will say this though, being in motion = no anxiety. I just put my foot down and take the next step in front of me. It's like running from the undead; I am just doing so many things as fast as I can that I have no time to be anxious. Just adrenaline and movement. That's me. That's all I have to say for now.

Anxiety and my ex-husband.

I woke up super late today and anxious. I had stayed up really late last night at a friend's house. It was dinner and a movie night. Met some cool new people. Had a good time. I finally lay my head down to rest at 4am. I didn't even get up til 11:41am this morning and I felt awkward.

For whatever reason I awoke from dreams of my ex-husband this morning. There was actually a period after the divorce where I had forgotten that I'd been married, so when I say that I don't think about that guy often, I mean it. I wish him well, mostly out of karmic self-defense, even though he hates me but also because in retrospect, he taught me a LOT of lessons.

In the dream, I had rented an airplane. I had flown somewhere and had a whole dream sequence that is now forgotten. But I was repacking the plane and we were getting ready for take-off when he clambers inside. And I LET him. Now, here's the thing, I don't wish him wrong, but he's not a pleasant person to hang out with when you are...ME. So, I don't know why I let him in the plane.

We flew home and it was like he'd had a reboot. He was friendly, charming even. He found out about my life and somehow it impressed him, unlike the life I'd been living when I was the woman I'd been being when we'd been together.

I remember bemoaning the state of the planes carpets as a lost cause. Then our plane landed and poltergeists wrecked this room that somehow spontaneously appeared inside the plane. There were these French doors (now complete with broken glass), two refrigerators and a bed in the room and that was naturally a perfect arrangement. I was frantic to clean up the mess in order to get back my apparently substantial deposit.

So here I am frantically cleaning and he's talking to me. I'm sweeping up all this debris and glass and he's not helping, but his chatter helps keep me focused and calm. He starts making comments that lead me to think he might want to get back together. Once he puts on the pair of high heels that my friend David has left behind, I know he's also trying to get sexy with me. By the way, this is a dream, so there doesn't have to be a reason that I thought a man wombling about in high heels is SEX-ay. It just was. And then I was naked on the bed.

And then my friends who have avoided the area of the disaster start showing up and all I can do is ineffectively curl up on my back to try to prevent them from seeing all my Business. They're laughing because they see my pathetic attempts to hide my nakedness and him in the high heels and they know what's going on. One the more persistent "friends" was a guy I used to fuck around with, but there was a misunderstanding re: some journal entry that upset his girlfriend. He stopped speaking with me then and has never contacted me again.

So to sum up: I was picking up the pieces with my ex. When I'm most vulnerable this other guy showed up, and all effects to protect myself were ineffective. Maybe my mind is trying to tell me that it's time to resolve some stuff that I had given up as a lost cause. Or maybe my psyche was telling me to avoid drinking Sugarfree NOS and eating chicken meatballs (no matter how delicious) before sleep. Only time will tell. That's all for now.

If you unexpectedly won a $10,000, how would you spend it?

Lately, I have been freaking out a bit financially. As you might have read in earlier posts, I am embarking towards Big Girl Massage Therapy and that means I'm starting my own business. It's proving frightening. I'm not liking it. I might not succeed. But I'm doing it anyway.

I sit and think about how to get money a lot. Many people do, I guess. My favorite scenario is the one where my guardian angel kinda wakes up from her nap and sees me fretting and with a uninterested flick of her hand, I've won the lotto. The she goes back to sleep. This is MY guardian angel, so, you know, she's got mono.

Ten thousand dollars is a lot of money. But then again, it isn't. I can't even pay back all the money I owe with that; I'd come close, but that only counts with hand grenades and horse shoes as they say. It would take a crap ton of worry off my shoulders though. Gosh. To not owe any money is like Shangri-moola.

But then, would I actually do that? I mean, would I really do the responsible thing and pay everything back with the dinero or would I do something else...like I normally do. I'm vaguely self-sustaining, semi-responsible adult, but I'm also super duper impulsive and I like shiny things. I need new clothes.I want to take a trip. What about savings? What about the IRS those guys will want some of that metaphorical $10,000. They always do. I also want to try some of that fancy smancy hair goo and get a pedicure. I need a massage desperately. Then family, won't they want some?

SO MANY OPTIONS. I am now paralyzed. What I'll have to do to avoid paralyzation (The little word checker thingie is saying I spelled that wrong, but dictionary.com says I spelled it right. So SCREW YOU word checker thingie!) is to just take the first action immediately, i.e. paying all I owe right away, and then just allow my low self-esteem to kick in and berate myself later for lost opportunities.

NO WAIT! I won't do any of that! What I'll do instead is enroll in a super duper hard core training school where they show you how to survive in the wilderness, shoot firearms, perform martial arts and swing axes around with slaughter-y glee! After all, 2012 is coming soon and then the Apocalypse will start and there won't be anyone coming around from my credit card companies or the IRS after that! Screw paying bills, they won't even exist after the Undead rise, but I will cause I'll be a badass! Extra exclamation points cause I feel like it! !!!!!!! Hell yeah. This is what I mean by the End of the World being kinda easier than real life sometimes. That's all for now.

Showers are decadent

It's cold here. I can see that smirk forming. I live in Southern California and I think it's cold. Pwoor Baby! Just shut your cakeholes, you nay sayers. We can't afford heat and though California is definitely not the Antarctic Circle, lately it's been fucking frigid okay. When my lumberjack roommate with plenty of padding says it's cold - the temperature has hit new lows. Now I apparently am part lizard, always looking for my warm flat rock, and I hate the least bit of chill in my environment. What does this have to do with showering?

I just took the most awesome shower, EVAR. Every part of me has thawed and then warmed. I feel content and certain about the benevolence of creation right now. I can hear that little jingle about not being "a waterhog" because my State has been in a drought for years and I just don't care. I know that heating the water for the shower costs money too. Don't give a flying fudge-packer! Water beating down, running through my hair, relaxing all my muscles = Nirvana.

This doesn't look good for my future though. I'm such a pussy that if my feet get cold I have trouble sleeping. If the End comes and the dead start walking I am gonna be at such a disadvantage when the power goes out and I have to head north cause that's where the dead will be thinner (IMHO.) How will I be able to stomach wandering around an Urban to Rural wilderness in freezing temperatures? No idea. So I better glory in my Decadent American Deluge of heated water. Who knows how long it'll last. That's all for now.

I am fucking tired.

I've been working on a lot lately. I finally made the plunge into Big Girl Massage Therapy. My state license finally fucking arrived after an eight month saga and a tersely worded letter to the Attorney General on my part. I have insurance. I've spent about five Hundred dollars to turn what I call the "Massage Closet" into a nice cozy little room. Then the bottom dropped out and all the insurance patients ran out of insurance until the New Year and Dr. Lame my alpha steroid boss announced that since I was such a good therapist I could charge whatever I wanted and keep all the money and pay him $500 a month rent for that hole. I accepted of course. I mentioned in an earlier entry that I have no spine when it comes to that man.

ANYWAY, I took the plunge created a website, got a domain name and created a facebook page and I'm winging it with my nipples to the wind. Scares the crap out of me.

In other Big Girl News, I've decided to go back to college to finish my Associates in Science that I've been trying to finish for the last 15 years. Yeah. That's right. 15. Years. Not Finished Yet. That's me. I also decided to get a Certificate in Administrative Assistance, because that might be more likely to get me hired somewhere.

I also am starting the Flat Belly Diet again. I'm cutting out sugar, caffiene, fake sugar and Frankenfoods in general. And I'm going to the gym five times a week. I made a goal to write SOMETHING everyday and this entry counts. So I've got a crap ton on my plate right now. And what does it mean?

This means I'm tired. But right now, despite my tiredness, I feel a great sense of accomplishment. That's all I have to say.

This is harder than it looks.

I could do the literary version of drooling at you and just fill this thing with crap. I could compose literary vomitus via my shopping lists, to do lists and other minutiae. I would have to rename the blog: Things I've accomplished, Stuff I want to accomplish and Reasons why I didn't accomplish said Stuff. It's not as catchy, I feel, and certainly more boring.

But it's kinda hard to come up with riveting subjects and then attach even more riveting words to them. Harder than I thought it would be. This may be why I never live up to my goal to write every day, and we are not even going to look at the failure my three unfinished books are racking up. At this point, I've got enough points at not following through with written projects that I could like, redeem it, for a Maserati or something at the Prize Counter for Universal Procrastinators. (This is similar to the Prize Counter at Chucky Cheese's, but no one ever goes there cause they procrastinate about it, see? That's why they have all those Maseratis lying about the place.)

Anyway, the worst thing about it? I come up with AMAZING ideas all the time about things I want to share with the world to help spread enlightenment everywhere, but it's never near a computer and then when I am near a computer all the good ideas have fled my brain like those dudes in "The Great Escape." Never seen it, but I hear it's about an escape. Moving along.

And sometimes when actually do remember it and I am actually near a computer when I try to type it out to you guys (and by you guys, I, of course, mean Jenna, cause nobody reads this thing) it comes out all flumpy (which is a word I just made up). Like the whole entry about the acquiring of my Sporadic, Uncontrollable Invisibility Power. Should have been WAY funnier, cause right after I had almost been run over the first time, I was composing how I'd tell the story in my head and started laughing like a block away. But when I typed it out - not close to funny.

The point? I don't think I really had one. Maybe self-defense? For the future, when someone other than Jenna might conceive of reading this thing, I can fall back on "This is harder than it looks," and feel all defended. Also, I will make myself feel better by telling myself that at least the Ambulatory Deceased haven't devoured my brain meats yet, so I can make better blogs in the future, you know, to atone. That's it for now.

Perhaps I have gained a new super power in 2011

I may have gained the power to turn invisible. But like, only sporadically, and not within my own control. Three people tried to run me down while I traversed the road today within a 10 minute period. Each time, I was in a crosswalk when I had the little green man. I wasn't jaywalking, I was...legally walking across the street. Three times. Tried to run me down. This has happened before, but not in such quantities.

The first time, I was sharing the crosswalk with a rather musclebound gent who smirked when I asked the approaching female driver, "What the fuck do you think you're doing, asshole?" Perhaps he found it somewhat ironic because despite asking the question, I didn't really expect an answer. The other couple of times, I just mad dogged the excrable motorists and stomped my way across the street in ill humor. So I've decided it's got to be Uncontrollable, Sporadic Invisibility, otherwise, my belief in my fellow man is going to plummet.

In other news, I am having a freak out about work. This is due to an extreme lack of confidence in myself to survive as a adult and an extreme lack of spine in dealing with my alpha steroid boss. I hate myself when I interact with this guy. I have a point of view. I want to convey it with feminine strength and conviction. I end up relaying only part of my message and in the form of a question. I want to assert my rights and request my fair share. I end up in a ball of self-loathing blithely accepting a shitty deal. Meh.

So, since I'm freaking out, a gratitude list:
1)Lost 3 lbs.
2)Friends and Family
3)I got amazing cool presents this past holiday.
4)I am sticking to my diet plan.
5)I wrote this post which means I did what I said I would so good for me.
6)I'm alive.
7)I'm a hustler and I'll figure a way out of this.
8)I did the dishes.
9)My fish is alive.
10)My bank balance is positive if rather small.
*11)I may have Uncontrollable, Sporadic Invisibility. Possibly useful in the upcoming devastation.

See, the intrepid, young heroine needs to learn to keep a stalwart positivity about her at all times. During a Zombie Apocalypse, there's going to be a lot of bad crap going down. People would give their left testicle (even if they were a girl) just to have my top ten, I mean eleven list during a Z.A. This is cause instead of my whiny list, there would be dead people everywhere (maybe people they know), and it might be cold cause the power could go out and they might be hungry and thirsty cause they either couldn't find food or couldn't get to it.
And the only way to keep on keeping on is to turn that frown upside down before you kill yourself or others or let the ravening hordes eat your face off out of despair. That's all I have to say.

A New Year, A New You!

So, the New Year has arrived. I spent it with J Crew and Fam. I slouched about in my pj's with them and played board games. Very relaxing. Then I came home, started my period and have been hiding in my room since then.

There is a tide arising, and I'm not talking about my crimson one. The anxiousness is cresting. Last year's goals were not met. In fact, on some of them, I didn't even tread water, but instead, sank like a steel beam. I am looking at my life, finding it lacking (this part isn't new) and deciding that why I sucked last year was a lack of planning (also not new) and making a newer, better plan (still not new). But I have come to the realization that the realize why all that planning and goal making didn't work very well last year was because my "plan" was too damn amorphous. Too scattered like a brain full of buckshot.

So, I am breaking my BIG PLANS down into littler pieces and then actually scheduling times to take on these pieces. I wrote the High Holidays into my planner so time doesn't whiz by and then I go...wait, did I just miss...damnit! I'm scheduling birthdays, cause your Nearest and Dearest should be lodged in your brain meats and when said meats are rotting a planner comes in handy. I'm writing in the gym. I am cataloging the classes I hope to take and the schedule for massage that I hope to have. And I'm making a to call list to get back in contact with the people I hope to network with who will help me meet my goals for 2011.

All this planning fills me with hope and motivation, piss and vinegar, a blinding headache and nausea...no wait, let's just stop at the acidic liquids, shall we? One of my goals was to write something daily. Anything at all. So here's my weak attempt at said goal. Wish me luck people - that's all I have to say.

You either have the things you want or you have the excuses you made.

Sometimes I think I'd rather do anything except succeed.

I've lost and regained over 2 maybe 3 hundred pounds. I've been financially stable, though not long. I've finished my Massage Certification as a Holistic Health Practitioner, but it took 13 years. I might even finish my Associates Degree in Health Sciences though it's taken 15 years and I've changed majors three times. At this very moment, I'm supposed to be baking and picking up some last minute presents for a party this afternoon. I still have a lot of time BUT...I'm playing on Facebook and typing this blog and starting to read a Manga - simultaneously.

I am beginning to realize that, even in small things, I'm afraid to succeed. I let my time be soaked away by little things. Facebook lately, but it could be movies or reading or even taking a walk if I can't figure anything out to do. Sometimes I'm scared to even wake up and let sleep steal away the day. I anesthetize myself to be so out of it that I can be excused from accomplishing anything. Excuses. That's what you have. You either have the things you want or you have the excuses you made; not a very satisfying trade.

This is a really bad tactic if an Apocalypse were approaching. I definitely wouldn't be ready. Which is funny since "Not Being Ready" is a really big fear of mine, like a "Having Nightmares About It" sort of Fear. But it looks like even the motivation to prevent future catastrophe is not enough sometimes to light a fire under my ass.

"The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins." ~Bob Moawad

Meh. I guess that I better decide to go start my journey, but I'll come back to this later. Provided the zombies don't come at which point - the fudge is moot. That's all I have to say.

The All Encompassing Loneliness and Hope Striking Eternal

So, I have no man. I have no Wo-man, either. I am alone. Woe is me and such. Every once in a while, I really get tired of it. Hope wanders over and slaps me upside the head and I start doing crazy things due to the spiritual concussion.

To wit: I willfully chose to post yet another ad on Craigslist in the hopes that someone who I wouldn't mind meeting in a dark alley might respond, instead of the more usual responses that I would mind meeting in said shadowy alley.

I have also agreed to go on a blind date with the son-in-law of one of my crazy clients. It was supposed to be brisket and potato latkes on Hanukkah, but that fell through. So now, I await his call. Be still my heart, no wait, don't.

I am also making a concentrated effort to not leave the house looking like a slovenly potato. This is harder than it might sound. Doing hair, shelacking make up and being on time don't always connect the way they are supposed to.

What am I looking for, at least, according to my ad? A man who: bathes, has all his teeth, has a job, doesn't expect sex on our first meeting and who is a relatively intelligent mammal. It would also be nice if he were: funny, generous, respectful, a good conversationalist and into me. Notice! I did not specify the amount of money he has to make, height, weight, race or creed. Though, if I were truthful, I do like the muscles! OH YEAH! And he has to be a good lay and into sex...with me! This is important.

Well, hopes strikes eternal. I am putting this out to the universe. That's all for now.

So this here's my first post

It's Monday. I hear the swat team level gardeners outside with their leaf blowers making it safe for my neighbors to walk by without being molested by *gasp* leaves or dust. The garbage truck has made its first run of the week to noisily extract the contents of the dumpster and once again I'm so grateful that said dumpster resides just below my bedroom window in the alley. And the neat thing? The garbage truck gang will be back a couple more times this week too. Yippee, I'd miss them if they weren't such frequent visitors.

I'm sitting here typing this in a fluffy white bathrobe, pink monkey slippers, magenta scrub pants and a Brain Power: Vote Zombie t-shirt. Yep. I'm a fashion plate. We won't discuss the current state of my hair. My eyes seem blue-greener lately. I don't know what that's all about, but I'll accept it. Skin's doing pretty good lately too from a long awaited Spa Day with my B.C.F., Jenna. (Best Crazy Friend). Due to rising levels of unanticipated anxiety about the general progression of my Life and the Unknown, I have been eating like a Ravaging Beast so I'm kinda chunkier than I'd care to be, but this state of chunk is not unknown to me.

I just finished a breakfast of cereal and Hershey's kisses (like I said, Ravaging  Beast) and I'm washing it down with a Sugarfree Redbull the size of my forearm. Literally. Forearm sized. Redbull. I plan to be a whirling dervish of energy later and accomplish all the things I've been procrastinating about doing for weeks now and the ones I forgot that I was procrastinating about from months ago. Artificially induced mania is a great motivator. And it has a lot to fight against, specifically Pet Society and Sorority Life on Facebook. Damn you FACEBOOOOOOK! I didn't even want to go on there and now I'm addicted. *Le sigh*

Today's ambitions include: sweeping and mopping, vacuuming, the gym, experimenting with fudge and bacon brittle, making gifts for my Solstice Party on the 18th, calling MK clients, visiting the post office and so much more. I always overestimate what I can do in any given time period. Call me a Chronologically-challenged Optimistic!

My roommate, Randy, actually emerged to inquire into my Agenda for Today. (By the way, I totally know how to punctuate and capitalize, but I'll do what I want to Anyway.) The other roommate, Rob, is hiding as usual; he is so quiet and dwells so exclusively in his room that most of the other tenants don't even know he lives here.  As for Randy, his agenda usually includes forcing me to watch some t.v. show online; it's how we socialize. Guys like to share an activity as their primary means of socialization, or so I've been told. This would certainly be true in our case. Now, I don't mind watching Glee cause it's a pretty amusing little show, but I don't like it interfering in my over-arcing master plan, especially since I can be such a procrastinator. So. We'll see. Later.

Last night I set my alarm to 8:30am. I laid in bed for 30 minutes hitting snooze and hiding from the world. Why? Well, it's the whole rising levels of anxiety from the unknown and because I had plans to register for college today and to complete work from my second job that my bosses were supposed to send late last night. The bosses ended up turning the aforementioned work in on their own - fine with me. The whole college thing went off fairly well, except, I'm on a wait list for all three of the classes that I need to finish my degree. Usually this isn't an issue as most people drop out, but I'm still nervous.

I do take certain measures to combat the anxiety. The first is to make a battle plan; this breaks the overwhelming unknown down into little steps that are much more whelming known (?), or user friendly or something. I also listen to hypnosis on Confidence and Stress Relief. And lastly, I count the things that I'm grateful for because you are supposed to be unable to feel Fear and Gratitude at the same time. Hey, whatever works. And you know, it usually does.

What I'm grateful for:

• Registered for College
• Live five blocks from beach in nice apartment
• Friends
• Family
• Bills paid, for now
• Red Bull
• I'm smart and funny

So, a recap. I'm a Chronologically-challenged Optimistic Procrastinator with some extra chunk, indescribable hair and blue-greener eyes re-entering into the interesting worlds of College and Caffeine and Self-induced mania today. Yeah. We'll leave it at that.